R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
