im six kinds of drunk right now
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hippo gnu deer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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