i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
