Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
