Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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