the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
