If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
