i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize