I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
