i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
