You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize