Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
