So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
