even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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