Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
