It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
