You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
