If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
