Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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