so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
