we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
