Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
