I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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