it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
