I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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