Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize