Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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