Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
