i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
