I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
