Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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