I need help removing her.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
