why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
