Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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