Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize