It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
