We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
