his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
