Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
