remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
