Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
