that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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