First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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