I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
