So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
