cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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