i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
