i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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