Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
