I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize