i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
