When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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