I love black thongs
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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