She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
