shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
