You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
