you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
