I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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