based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
