toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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