Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
