So drunk its hurt
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
