This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
