i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
