His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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