In the future we'll all be gay
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
