**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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