Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
