In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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