Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
